A Bunch of Stuff Cut Up On a Plate

Sorry for not posting - I'm going to try to post more!

Every day this week I have come home from work and eaten a giant bowl of vinegar and lettuce - one of my favorite snacks from childhood. Late at night, long after my mom went to bed, me, my brother and my dad would eat. This was almost a nightly ritual I think. Sometimes my dad would make a giant pot of potato soup, other times we had sardines in mustard sauce on crackers, sometimes pickled pigs feet, or chicken gizzards. These were the usual suspects. My other favorites include cocktail onions and green olives on little plastic cocktail mixer sticks - the alcoholic neighbor taught us to eat this - or carrots dipped in mayo and ketchup mixed, or hor doeuvres - which were made of bread, mustard, relish and american cheese - toasted. EEEWWW.

Anyway, did everyone eat this weird stuff? We had no rules about food in my house as a kid. We ate whatever we wanted whenever we wanted it. We also used to drink pop and coffee instead of water basically. In 7th grade I ate ramen noodles every day for breakfast. In fact, I never ate breakfast food until I was an adult. I think my favorite breakfast as a kid was last night's dinner, ramen noodles, or Spaghetti O's - and a cup of coffee with a few chocolate chip cookies dipped in it. Still a favorite. I was a serious coffee drinker at the age of 8 - I drank it black, no cream, no sugar. Every morning from the time I was 8 until I was in law school. I was a much more serious coffee drinker then - now I drink only lattes, if at all.

Eating vinegar and lettuce brings back memories from childhood. My other favorites were my mom's tomato soup, my mom's canned tomatoes nuked in a mug with a lot of salt, anything pickled and green popsicles. For lunch we frequently used to eat what we called "a bunch of stuff cut up on a plate." This is exactly what you think it is - a bunch of stuff - it could be anything - cut up on a plate. Usually lunch meat, cheese, maybe some of those little canned hot dogs that come in water (eeeewww) (are those actually hot dogs?), a couple of cookies, some pickles, some olives, maybe some fruit etc. I also used to drink vinegar and pickle juice - Heather and I called the pickle juice "dill wine." Ha ha ha.

Anyway, my mom used to like to tell people that my brother and I invented the food fight - only we didn't throw the food. Every week when my mom brought the groceries home, my brother and I would divide everything up and then use it to barter with one another for what we wanted. For example, I would "sell" my brother the chance to watch Leave it to Beaver on my day to pick the t.v. shows in exchange for the last green popsicle. We had this weird rule about the t.v. and the front seat of the car. If it was his day to ride in the front seat, it was my day to pick the t.v. shows that got watched on the living room t.v. This seems absurd to me now - partly because we had 5 televisions in the house - and riding in the front seat, at the age of 8? Nowadays, kids are supposed to ride in booster seats until they are like 15 - we used to ride in the front, no seat belt! Actually, one time, I rode all the way to Cedar Point on the floor of the back seat of the car! What were my parents thinking?

"Whatever is Contained in This Box IS..."

Courage
joy
serenity
faith
comfort
recovery
warmth
health
abundance
family
love
life
contentment
caring
open
relief
career
success
action
ease
calm
peace
friendship
giving
warmth
acceptance
harmony
happiness
trust
strength
wisdom
purpose
willingness
opportunity

authentic

gratitude

GRACE

Accepting Ourselves

So, I'm at an AA women's retreat - the theme of the retreat is accepting ourselves. Carrie and Jen have done a great job of putting this together. I spoke this morning at the morning meeting - gave a lead on acceptance. It's funny because I always think I have nothing to say - but the comments people shared when I was done were amazing. Someone told me it was the most beautiful lead they have ever heard. I never know what to say to that - so I just say thank you. It feels good to hear people say that I have helped them - that is after all the point. It is good preparation for speaking next weekend - with that only a week away, I am more than a little bit nervous. So many people here have asked me if they can have a copy of the CD of it. I feel so unprepared.

Coming into this weekend, I didn't really want to go. In fact, we discovered, that most of us, if not all of us, didn't want to go - but here we are and we have all expressed a tremendous amount of gratitude for the fact that we are here. I feel at ease, spiritually connected, it's giving me time to reflect on what it used to be like. The only thing I wish is that I could shut off the computer, turn off the blackberry, turn off the cell phone - and really disconnect myself. It's 12:45 and I've checked my email 5 times today. I'm not expecting anything, I just don't want to miss anything. Someday, I hope to learn to disconnect completely.

Anyway - more later...this afternoon we have another meeting, another meditation, we are making journey boxes...more will be revealed.

A Brief Update

Sorry for the lack of posting - I see that people still check though to see if there is anything new. It seems that every time I say I am going to post more, or every time I think I am going to post more, I actually post less. Anyway, just a brief update and I promise to post something at some point soon. I really would like to post more regularly - although, I am not sure I have much to talk about lately.

I've been working like crazy - that's part of the reason I haven't posted. For about three weeks straight, I worked without a day off - 12, 13, 14 hours a day. I basically worked and went to meetings, and in my down time - which there wasn't much, I freaked out about the mammogram I had last week.

I am happy to report though that my mammogram was clear! I have to have a follow up MRI today though - but nothing is expected to show up. This isn't really stopping me from freaking out a little though.

I am also happy to report that I still have not turned my heat on. Now that it's March, and supposedly going to be 50 in Chicago this weekend - I think I can safely say that I made it through the winter with no heat (and a gas bill of only $11 per month). What I didn't spend on the gas bill though, I spent on parking! Ha ha. I still drive to work most days of the week.

I am going on my first women's AA retreat this weekend in Wisconsin. This I can only say will be interesting. I have had a tendency to gravitate towards men, until coming into AA and I am just not too sure about spending 3 days with 12 women, doing yoga, going hiking, journaling, relaxing (relaxing - what's that?) and talking about life. On the one had, I think it could be good, and on the other, it is like one of my nightmares to be trapped in a house with a bunch of women. The reason I am going is because in my previous life - I never would have gone - but they specifically invited me and it is way outside of my comfort zone - so I said yes!

Anyway, work has slowed down, things are good, and now I am freaking out about having to speak in front of a few hundred people on March 17th. It's always something. That was the other reason I signed on to the retreat - what better thing to do then spend three days immersed in AA before having to give an "open talk." Once I get past March 17th - I think I am pretty well in the clear until September.

More to follow...