This is harder than I thought it would be

So I started the process of packing for my move today.  I got some boxes, some bubble wrap, some packing tape.  I set out to throw things away and make piles of things to donate.  Things I don't use, don't need.  I have to save space.  I might be gaining a bedroom but I am losing closet space.

I have managed so far to decide what to donate.  And I have produced one and half bags of things to throw away.  But mostly I have just been wandering around my condo looking at this, looking at that, and putting things back in their place.

I have lived here for five years - the longest I have lived anywhere since I was 18.  My life until this point had always felt transient.  I was constantly moving for school etc.  But here, I actually live here.  I have lived through a lot here.

My oncologist told me about 3 years ago that maybe the best thing would be to move away from Chicago.  She said that some people just can't move on until they get out of the place where they lived through breast cancer - because it is hard not to associate everything about the place with the hell that you went through.  I thought that made a lot of sense at the time.

But I have moved on here, to live a life that wasn't really as bad as I probably thought it was.  I just didn't make the most of it.  I never came here with the intention of staying forever, but I'm a little sad to leave.  I'm having a hard time putting things in boxes.  Mostly I just keep putting things away.