Why?

In AA we always say it just takes what it takes.  There is no real reason why.  You can't force a person into a AA, they get there when they get there.  We all get there differently, and more or less the same.  For me it took a couple of bad nights, a little reflection and some curiosity.  For that I was lucky.

But why did it take moving 750 miles across the country with my job to realize that I need to leave my job?  I don't know.  I don't know if I would have realized it if I was still in Chicago and everything was the same as it was before.  I don't think moving out here was the wrong thing, I just think that, for better or worse, it accelerated the inevitable.  Coming out here was admittedly an experiment.  One where I was trying to make my job work and where I would be able to consider the real possibility of making partner.  There were even some moments of being excited about my job and the prospect of a slightly different career.  I felt like I had options, possibilities - something like reinventing my job in a way.

Well, obviously things have changed.  Drastically.  I am trying not to feel desperate to get out of my job because I don't think desperation makes for good decision making.  And I need to make a good decision.  I feel like I have come to some sort of peace about it though and the fact that it could take a long time.  This job that I want so badly - it will or it won't happen.  And if it doesn't, I have faith that something better will come along.  The outcome of all of this may not be what I think I want.  It may not look the way I want it to or the way I think it should look.  But, it will work out how it is supposed to.

This job that I want  - it just seems too good to be true.  It feels like the job of a life time.  Like this kind of opportunity doesn't come along more than once.  I am wary of saying that and believing that though.  It's just dangerous I think to view anything in such an absolute way.  And I think that although it feels true, I can't exclude the possibility that something actually better will come along.  Besides, when I took the job I have, I thought the same thing.  I thought it was the chance of a lifetime to advance my career and maybe a once in a life time opportunity to get a job at a very well respected law firm and the largest law firm in the world.  Turns out that it was the right career move for me at the time and probably has opened up possibilities that I wouldn't otherwise have had.  It's just now I see it for what it really is.  Only a stepping stone to something greater.