If My Life Had a Title

I don't really have any thing to write, but I feel like I should post. Actually, I probably have tons to write, but don't really have time to sort it out. I've just had a week off of work and my first day back I worked from 7 until 7. Oh well, I can't really complain. I just spent a week with my brother, sister-in-law and nephew who are visiting from Germany and I honestly enjoyed the time I spent with them more than I ever have before. I think it is my slightly improved ability to live in the moment - a by product of thinking I was going to die of breast cancer. Although I am still not great at it - living in the moment - I've noticed a drastic improvement.

We celebrated my AA anniversary which was amazing. One of my friends presented me with a token at a meeting and then as scary as it was, I had to go up and get it and say something. But it was really amazing actually. I don't know where the words came from, but I think I might have helped a few people that night. I hope anyway. Then I came back to Chicago to celebrate my anniversary here and that was amazing also. It sort of made me want to get more involved in the program and it definitely made me feel extremely grateful for a lot of things. Anyway, it was good to see family and friends. I am heading back down to my sister-in-laws later today to spend a few more days with my family. I'll post pictures soon of my cute nephew.

My brother wrote a post the other day called the "The Wheels Have Come Off." All I could think was that if my life had a title, it would be that. That's how it feels. It's always felt that way though. I don't think I've ever not felt that way. It's like a constant but sudden feeling of something coming apart and it could be dangerous, but I get through it almost unscathed. The feeling of panic you must feel when the wheel suddenly comes off your car while driving down the road - that's how my life feels. It's always felt like it could be good, it could be really good, but a part is missing. And just when I think I've found or replaced or have the part, something else falls off suddenly. I am quite sure that the missing part is something inside myself and I am sure I will be reminded by several people reading this that the problem is most definitely me. At any rate, I really don't want this to be the title of my life. My relationship has just come undone and while I am not surprised at all, maybe this is why I am feeling especially like things are coming apart.

I guess that is all for now. I'll try to sort something out to write about while I am "down on the farm."