The lack of accountability

People in AA talking about needing accountability to stay sober. Needing someone to know where you, what you are up to etc. Whenever I go into a potentially dangerous situation, I always make sure someone knows where I'm at. That way they will ask me later what happened. That's creating accountability.

So the lack of accountability coupled with this phenomena where we don't do what we should do even when it's good for us - you know, I know you all do that from time to time also. Those two things combined resulted in me skipping one medication tonight. Why? I don't know. Because I have no accountability. Except you dear Internet. And even you can't make me take it.

I skipped the one that I consider least critical. I seriously do not have a reason for skipping. It actually makes me sleep (which I don't when I don't take it) and it also appears to cut my anxiety level down to nothing. So why oh why did I skip it? Like I said, sometimes I have to force myself to take my meds and then report to someone that I took them, or tell them that I'm thinking about not taking them so they can tell me to take them. How old am I?

Well, I've recently been told in no uncertain terms that I need to grow up, i.e., do what I am supposed to do and complain about it all I want, but do it anyway.

Yet tonight I still didn't do it. What's wrong with me? I am about to crash from some other sleep meds though so this isn't getting edited.

Good night. See you tomorrow.