Go ahead, ask me a dumb question

When you are a lawyer, every random person wants to ask you weird legal questions and they assume that you must know everything about anything legal, just because you are a lawyer. I can assure you that I do not. Majority of the questions are down right dumb. My mother does this all the time - calls me with a weird question. 3/4 of the times that she calls it is to ask me a weird legal question. 1/4 of the time, it is drunk dialing. More on that later.

A couple of days ago she called me to find out how to obtain a police report in the county that she lives in. My response: I don't know, just call the police station and ask. Duh. And then she says to me, well, why don't you know - you are a lawyer, aren't you supposed to know this kind of thing? Uh no - why the hell would I? Obnoxious. I told her either call the records department or go down there to city hall, it's on the first floor (why do I even know this?). I even had to look up the phone number for her. My mother doesn't even know what kind of law I practice, nor does she know the name of the firm I work for (nor does she care probably).

One of her friends once called me to ask me this: if my boyfriend has $500 in a bank account (and he dies) and I want to get the money out before his mother can get it, would it be illegal for me to forge his signature on a check and withdraw the money? Response: yes, that would be a crime.

Then she asked me if it would be illegal for her to forge her signature on the title to the boat so she could transfer the title to her name and sell it. Response: if the question has the word forge in it, assume it is illegal.

I know how ridiculous these questions seem, but I am not making it up. People call me and ask me these things. My mother has even given out my phone number without my permission.

There are some things that I don't mind helping people with, and certain people that I will help no matter what - but those are the people who ask real legitimate questions. I should have kept a list all these years of the stupid things people have asked me. I wish I could remember more of them.