Maybe because it's that time of year again

I don't mean the holidays.

I mean my AA anniversary.  It's coming up.  You will often hear people say that some people "get weird" around their anniversary.  I'm not sure what I feel exactly, but I feel something.  I remember the first meeting that I went to like it was yesterday.  I remember where I sat, I remember saying my  name, I remember the things that people said to me.  I remember all of it.  It wasn't a blur to me.  I went back the next day, but I didn't go back because I thought I had a problem with alcohol.  I went back because someone said to me, "if you can change your attitude, it will change your life."  How true that would turn out to be.  I can't say that I remember it on most days, but I think of it this time of year and I wonder what happened to the guy who said it who didn't stay sober.  What I will always love about a meeting is that you never know who will say the thing that saves your life that day.  It can be anyone.  For me it is often unexpected.  All I knew at the time when I went back was that these people knew something about how to live life, and I needed to know what it was.

I remember my first anniversary like it was yesterday as well because it meant a lot of things.  Among others, it meant that I had survived breast cancer.  And I remember the first time I spoke at a meeting.  I remember sitting in a room of people and having someone say, of all of you here - only one will stay sober.  I remember how shocking the statistics were to me.  And every time I walk into a meeting, I think how amazing it is that we are all there.

I like to go home every year for my anniversary, back to Michigan, and so far I have.  So this year, for my 4th anniversary, I will do the same.  I like to go back and see the people who were there the day I showed up.  The sad part is that so many of the people are not there.  But I always look forward to seeing Bruce and Bruce and some of the other regulars and people with a lot of time.  The people who saw me change into someone else.

I will always feel more at home at those meetings than anywhere.