Talking about unknowns

This weekend I am walking in the Relay for Life in Dexter, Michigan, a walk to benefit cancer research. I am a bit leery of doing it. Talk about unknowns. Like I said, I deal with it by ignoring it. Immersing myself in it is not the way I deal with it. So I can't really predict what will happen. Maybe the wall I have built up around myself is impenetrable and I'll be fine. Or maybe it is paper thin and I won't be. I just don't know. I know for some people, raising money for cancer research, doing walks, volunteering, belonging to support groups - this is the way they deal with what happened. In general, these things are not for me and I tend to get annoyed when people suggest I join a support group. And no, I am not opposed to support groups, I belong to the biggest one of all right - AA, but cancer support groups are not for me. Sitting around and talking about it is not for me. Focusing on it is not for me. Making it a focus of my life work is not for me. Offering my experience up to help others just isn't for me. I don't think it ever will be. So this weekend is one of those unknowns that I was talking about. I have never done anything like this since going through what I went through. I have never been surrounded by a bunch of people who went through what I went through and to be perfectly honest, I am not entirely sure I want to be. I know it's maybe a weird way of dealing with it, but it's just the way I am. Will I be fine, or not fine? I have no idea.