That girl

I want to be that girl that dresses nice, is well put together and looks professional for work.  I am not that girl.  I see people in the office who are though, well a few people.  And I look at the clothes when I get the flyer things in the mail from the stores that I shop at and wonder, could I wear that?  Why couldn't I wear that?  I used to buy clothes that were cute and trendy I guess you would say and then not wear them because I was too self-conscious and felt like I couldn't pull it off I guess.  I don't know.  I like to go unnoticed.  And I am not trying to impress anyone at work with my appearance it's just that in general you feel better about yourself when you look nice.  It's like wearing a really pretty matching bra and underwear.   Even though no one knows you are wearing it, you kind of just feel better in a way.

We are business casual at work with jeans on Friday.  People definitely take the casual side far more seriously than the business side.  People push casual to the absolute limit.  I admit, I do sometimes in the summer also.  Last summer management sent out an email saying that we weren't allowed to wear flip flops to work anymore.  I of course continued to wear them because a pair of beach flip flops was all I could wear - given the pain in my foot from the bunion.  And then after the surgery and after my foot healed I still had to wear sneakers for a couple of months because regular shoes were uncomfortable.  It's hard to look nice and professional when you are wearing sneakers every day that don't match your outfit.  And here we go again with me wearing sneakers to work because of tearing the ligament in my ankle.  I feel like people look at me and just think I am purposely sloppy because of my foot wear.

Anyway, there is a disconnect.  I have cute clothes, but I don't wear them as much as I should.  If you looked in my closet right now, you would find bags of new clothes.  Yes I said bags, plural (I admit the shopping has to stop.  I am shopping for clothes way too much).  I haven't worn them because it isn't sprint yet.  I fully intend to wear these clothes, because why do I feel like I can't pull these clothes off?  I have this rule that if I buy something and don't wear it within a certain amount of time it goes back - because if I really wanted it, I would have worn it right away.

I've thought for a long time that I should dress nicer for work.  Even though I can get away with just about anything.  I don't think that's exactly what business casual means - get away with anything.  So if you look in my closet, you will see a different me.  And you would think, huh, that person looks nice and well put together and has cute clothes.  But if you look at what I wear to work, you would think huh, that person kind of matches, sort of, looks really sloppy.  For example I have this really cute black jacket and a pretty silk top with black and purple and white on it that I could wear with a pair of nice darker jeans and some black shoes (or sandals, depending).  That outfit looks nice.  Instead, I find myself throwing on a fleece and a pair of sneakers with crappy jeans to go to the office on Fridays.  I don't think that's really appropriate office wear even for a Friday.  That's like maybe something I would throw on to run to the grocery store on Saturday morning when I don't feel like taking a shower.  Those two outfits are the same - Friday at work and gross on Saturday morning when I don't take a shower.  Something about that isn't right.  I've just gotten worse and worse as time has gone by and cared less and less how I look in the office.  How I look in general really.  I don't even bother with make up anymore.

Anyway, I'm going to try to change the way I dress for work or maybe in general even.  Why can't my outfit on the weekend look nice?  Why does it always have to be sneakers and a sweatshirt or a fleece?  I just think I've cared so little about impressing anyone that I don't even try for myself anymore.  So we will see how many of those clothes in the bags get returned.  And I just found three more things I am going to buy and then the shopping stops.  It has to stop.