Stressed

Going out of town is just plain stressful.  Things always blow up at work.  It's inevitable.  Clients don't go away just because you do.  And frequently they don't give a shit.  They just want what they want and it's always immediately.  I turned my out of office reply on this afternoon.  I have to leave at noon tomorrow and I just didn't want to get another email from someone wanting something from me before noon.  I only have so many hours tomorrow to do X number of things.  I simply can't add anything else to the pile.  You would think they would lay off a bit considering the fact that it is a holiday weekend and all.

So I have stress coupled with nerves which makes for a fun trip home as you can imagine.  I just can't figure out what the problem is with going there.

Anyway, I'm going.  I'm going because I have no plans to go there again this year.  This may be the last time I go there until next year.  Seriously.  I doubt I'll go for the holidays, although I guess that is a possibility.  The holidays are always uncertain.  There are definitely people that I would like to see and I guess I see it as a way to see my grandmother - hopefully it won't be one last time, but it would be nice to see her just in case.  I know that I posted way back in March that she was sick, well she is still in the hospital - long long story.  Anyway, it is impossible to predict what is going to happen with her.  My dad is optimistic, others are less so.  I told my dad that if God forbid something happens while I am in Arizona, I am not coming back.  I know some people won't agree with that decision, but my dad does and that is what matters to me when it comes to that one.

So I am a ball of stress right now and probably will be until I arrive there.  Honestly, the only thing I really want out of this trip is to go to the 5:35 AA meeting tomorrow at the Alano Club.  That's all I want, is to make that meeting.  I'm not going to meetings enough, which has nothing to do with whether or not I will drink, because I won't, it just has more to do with my ability to cope with stress generally and to just be in world comfortably.  I want to go to this meeting so bad that I might even try to leave earlier and just take some work with me.  I just feel like I have to make this meeting.  I have to.

I haven't booked a hotel yet though.  Do you think that's a sign?