Happy Anniversary To Me!

I've been sober for 10 months today! I probably make too big of a deal about my anniversary and usually feel annoyed that other people seem to forget it. Some people have even told me that the "in between" ones (meaning, not your 30 day, 90 day, 6 month, 9 month or one year anniversaries) don't really count. I just disagree. The fact is, every day counts and a lot of people say we all just have the same 24 hours.

I have special appreciation for the fact that I have 10 months today because the truth is, for as easy as I have seemed to sail through surviving breast cancer - I almost went to the bar last weekend. It was probably the closest call since I first started this endeavor called not drinking, otherwise known as living in reality. Anyway, I usually "get weird" around my anniversary as people often say happens. This month, I just feel incredibly grateful that I didn't go out last weekend. If I had, I would be sitting here on, I don't know, day 5 maybe if I were lucky, or perhaps I wouldn't be sitting here at all. I forget sometimes the life and death of what I am dealing with, but two people I knew from my home town where I first got sober committed suicide this summer after they went back out and couldn't get sober again. Over and over I hear this story.

So, there are moments like last weekend - the day after I almost went to the bar, where I have a real true appreciation of how deadly this disease is, very deep gratitude that I am sitting where I am sitting today, and complete acceptance that I do in fact have this problem. I usually - lose the acceptance, forget that this can kill me and, gratitude - what's that?

Today though, I really am grateful to all of the people who have saved me time and again. I don't just mean saved me from going to the bar when I didn't like the way that I was feeling, but who have saved me by teaching me how to live differently through the situations that arise in my life. I am especially grateful to my friend Tom who has probably kept me from drinking on more occasions than he realizes. He always gives me tokens for my anniversaries and never forgets it. (Let's see if he remembers it today!!).

I remember very early on when I first showed up to meetings, Tom had just had his 6 month anniversary. I don't know if I even had 30 days at that point, but I remember thinking wow, there is no way I could ever not drink for 6 months. Anyway, he gave me his 6 month token and I carried it around with me every day. This meant more to me than he probably knew. Now I carry his one year token around every day. I never announce my anniversaries at meetings like you are supposed to, and people are always reminding me that the reason I announce my anniversary is not for me, but for the benefit of other people - for all of the people who are sitting there wondering if it is in fact possible to stay sober for 6 months, one year, 10 years - and it really deepens my sense of appreciation when someone announes a 30 day anniversary and I am able to remember what it felt like to have 30 days sober and think I was going to die from the pain that I was feeling. Anniversaries remind me where I am going and where I never want to be again.

Anyway, I don't think Tom knows how much I appreciate his friendship and how much he he has helped me, but if it weren't for Tom, and a lot of other people, I'm not sure I would even be here right now. So, Tom, if you are reading this, I am deeply grateful for your friendship and truly appreciate eveything you have done for me. Whenever I thank people for their help, they always remind me that I don't have to thank them, I should just go help someone else. That is, after all, how it works. Nevertheless - Tom, thank you, for little things - like answering your phone 15 times the other day when I didn't think I was going to make it.