Do you ever have those moments when suddenly reality dawns on you? All of a sudden the truth about something becomes clear. Either you've been living in denial and don't know it - usually you've been living in denial and don't know it - or you just haven't been paying attention maybe. It's like you aren't living in reality and then suddenly you are. Time starts to pass so quickly that you just can't keep up. I call those "holy crap moments." Holy crap - how did I get here - how did this become my life? When did I get to be almost 30 and almost 4 years into a career? Holy crap, I'm a real live functioning adult. That one surprises me every time actually because I've been like an adult since I was, oh, about 10 probably - at least in some ways. Emotionally, probably not, but always overly responsible and overly worried - dealing in some ways with adult issues from the time I was a little kid. People in AA will tell you that you stop growing emotionally when you start drinking. Hmm. Does that mean I'm a 21 year old? I don't know. More on that later....
Anyway, I have those holy crap moments a lot. I think because life moves so fast and I fail miserably at staying in the day, staying present in the moment and enjoying it. One minute I'm 25 and graduating from law school, stressed out about everything and it seems like the next minute I'm 29, everything is different, and I'm still stressed out about everything. What happened in between? I don't even know because I'm always so focused on something specific that I miss all the details only to find myself wondering - how did I get here again? I've called off a wedding, had 3 jobs since law school, gotten sober, stayed sober, moved to Chicago, gotten married, survived breast cancer. I know I posted about getting sober and having breast cancer the other day - but even when I wrote that post, I don't think I had an appreciation for what I was saying.
I was getting ready for work yesterday just like I always do and it finally dawned on me - in one of those holy crap moments. I just did something incredible. I survived breast cancer. Holy crap people, I survived breast cancer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1 comment:
Funny! The closest I ever have to the holy crap moment comes when I have to do something "parental" and I say to Jeff "wait a minute, we are the PARENTS, how did that happen?!" But to have experienced what you have been through...wow what a holy crap moment that must have been! :)
Jod
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