"For it is by self-forgetting that one finds"

A lot of people have been on my case for sometime now that I should get involved with some kind of cancer support group. Frankly, I am sick of people telling me this because it is something I felt I would do only when I was ready to do it, and other people suggesting it constantly doesn't make me want to. I have hesitated to do this largely because I am trying to live my life out from under the weight of what happened to me. If I am participating in some kind of support group - that is supporting me, I honestly don't think it would help me. I am sick of it being constantly on my mind, constantly weaving it's way through every thought that I have and every decision that I make. It colors everything. It is nice to have people to relate to, sure, and I don't have a lot of people in my life who have been through what I have been through - only a few, but this simply isn't what I need.

I have realized through AA - that the best way that I can ever help myself is to help someone else. It is selfish in a way, but at the same time you perform great acts of service for other people. Sure, I go to meetings to hear what I need to hear, but more than anything, I go to give back what other people have given to me - because you have to give it away to keep, as they say. Sure, I want what I want. A new car, and more money, a man in my life, children - but those things are not the purpose of my life nor are they things that are going to make me happy. I know now, after facing my mortality and surviving cancer and getting sober, that the purpose of my life has nothing to do with me.

Although I don't like to admit it, the best I ever feel, and have ever felt in my life, is when I can show up for someone else and help another alcoholic. My sponsor keeps telling me that I need to get out of myself - that is the answer to my problems - to get out from under the self-centered fear that plagues me - and she is right, because it is by self-forgetting that one finds. I love that prayer - the prayer of St. Francis. "...that where there is hatred, I may bring love - that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness - that where there is discord, I may bring harmony - that where there is error, I may bring truth - that where there is doubt, I may bring faith - that where there is despair, I may bring hope...."

I know from my experience surviving breast cancer - that this works much like AA, meaning that there is tremendous power in relating to a person who has been where you are at, and having that person tell you that you can do it, and you will be okay - they show you that anything is possible. It is what we do every day in AA, one after another, as we save each others' lives. There was a time during everything that I went through, when that kind of support would have been invaluable and I didn't have it. Many people don't. I have been blessed with a strength that is not my own, and tremendous courage and resilience. There are people who need these things that I have and so I feel like I have to give it away, the same way I give away the gifts of AA. There is a non-profit based out of the city that I live in - which does just that. It pairs you up 1 to 1 - a survivor with someone who has just been diagnosed, and you are that person's support through the entire process. The organization was started by someone like me - who survived cancer very young and who, also like me, had very little support.

I think what he does is amazing and so important, and what I have to give because of the experience of surviving cancer, is as important as what I have to give because I am sober. In fact - I think I have even more to give because I have both of these things. So, rather than seek out support for myself, I have decided to volunteer my time to this organization to support other people and give them what I have, my experience strength and hope, just like I do in AA. "...grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted - to understand than to be understood - to love, than to be loved. For it is by self forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven...."