I am torn. It's that time of year when you either decide to go for your hours or decide not to go for your hours. It's close enough to the end of the year where you can easily calculate possible outcomes and make a decision about which way to go. I realize that it's a requirement of my job that I bill 2000 hours, that is what we are supposed to bill in a year, but not everyone does so, some people never do and given the current state of the economy, it may not even be possible for a lot of people this year. All the more reason to go for it?? Nah. But, I happen to be one of those people who has done if before, so the expectation seems to be a bit different.
The partner that I work for is putting an incredible amount of pressure on me to hit my hours and I am behind where I should be for this time of year (because duh, we had some slow months) and it requires me to make up what I think is a lot of time. He's not just pressuring me to do it, he is almost telling me I have to. Which he can't exactly force me, but it sort of feels like he is trying to. He seems rather excited about it and I am, well, rather not excited to say the very least. Although he is one of the nicest people I have ever met and really laid back, we do not share quite the same philosophy about work. Not at all. I don't stay at work until midnight for anything and I definitely don't pull all nighters. Never have. Never want to. Never will.
He is trying to motivate me to hit hours with the money and that is simply not going to motivate me. I would be just fine coasting for the next 20 years at my current salary and level of responsibility. I don't exactly want to sign up for any more responsibility, but that's another conversation. Anyway, in the conversation that we had about my hours, he kept saying but then you don't have to worry about your raise, and you don't have to worry about your bonus. Um, I wasn't worried. Because uh, I don't care anymore. I stopped caring about the money a while ago.
But then he said, and I realized he is trying to get me to do this for purely selfish reasons, he told me if I hit 2000 hours then he doesn't have to answer any questions about why he couldn't keep me busy enough. So this is actually about him, not me and my future. Because the fact is, and I don't mean to sound like I am great or anything, but I am pretty hard to replace. Even if I don't hit my hours I am not going to lose my job.
We aren't talking like I am going to come in way under 2000, we are talking like I would come in somewhere between 1900 and 1950 with maybe a medium amount of extra effort. So then the question is, how hard do I try? What if trying a little harder gets me to 1950? Then why not go for it. Why not find the extra 50 hours? Because the reality is, it's impossible for me to catch all the way back up. I could try pretty damn hard and I'll come in right around 1975. And that is probably what will happen. I'll bust my ass for 4 months and come up short anyway. And I can't not mention the fact that I have had to do more business development and non-billable work this year than any other year in the past.
Basically, to hit 2000 hours I have to bill 10.4 hours per work day for the next 4 months and that accounts for taking 5 days off in the next 4 months. It's not easy to bill 10.4 hours per day. It's just not. I would have to have no down time at all, no wasted time between projects. It's just not as easy as it sounds. We are talking billable time, not time actually worked. He actually suggested that I work on Saturdays to accomplish this feat and to that I flat out said no. I simply refuse to work 6 days a week for 4 months straight for a raise that I am no longer even guaranteed to get. That's the thing - they completely changed our compensation policy so my raise isn't even guaranteed anyway.
So what should I do? Should I force myself to do it? Because if I am going to, I need to decide like now. Should I not bother trying and just coast? Give it my best half-assed try which would hopefully maintain my sanity? I can't decide. I admit, it would be disappointing to come in between 1950 and 2000 but I just don't think I am willing to give up what I would give up (in terms of my sanity and mental health) to hit 2000. I just can't see myself doing it.
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