Stingy

This is not going to become a series of posts where I complain about my job because, well, I don't like to talk much about my work on this blog.  It's just lately it's consuming me.  I am not used to having someone peeking over my shoulder wondering (or for all I know checking) how many hours I am billing.  I've just never been in this situation before where the partner selfishly wants me to do something that I am not interested in doing but I am sort of having to try anyway.

The partner has told me not to delegate anything, and to keep every last .1 of an hour to myself.  Don't give anything away, which obviously means I get no help.  I have the workload of 3 people right now, deadlines on top of me, a partner breathing down my neck (again, for selfish reasons) and I am not supposed to pass my work down?  Why?  If he can keep me billable 10 hours a day even while I am giving work away, then why can't I give it away?

Because he expects me to work like him, which means like 15 hour days and that I am just simply not willing to do.  I have this calculated right down to the .1 of an hour and I am barely making it.  Barely billing enough to squeak by.  And, I'm doing this and I don't even want to.

I can't do this.  Today I delegated two projects without telling him.  And maybe he will get the bill and question me about it but I don't care.  I can't do this.  I'm just incapable of it.  I used to be able to work like this, on autopilot for 15 hour days, day after day and weekend after weekend.  Well I can't do it anymore.  I can't motivate myself to do this.  I have so many things to do and I am so far behind and I simply can't do it.

There is no incentive for me to do this to myself.  But that's another post.