These were the casualties of climbing tonight. And all I can say about it, is the same thing I always say, it was awesome. But it was extra awesome this time. I am a little upset about the fingernail only because I broke it really far down. I knew that I should have cut my nails last night. You just can't have nails and climb cause you can't dig your fingers into the insets with nails.
If you are wondering about the project - it went out at 2:30. My plan was a success. It's not the biggest project I have ever done but it's one of the bigger ones and for one of our biggest clients. It was a really important project. At first when I clicked send I was overcome with nervousness. Like on my God, was everything just right? Did I miss a comma? Should I have said should instead of must? And on and on. And then my next thought was, what the hell am I going to work on now (uh, wasn't I just saying I needed a break)? It was like all things are for me, anti-climactic. You would expect me to feel a huge sense of relief, a great weight lifted off my shoulders. Actually, I even said I was expecting just exactly that. Nothing but relief.
But for some reason I move on instantly to the next thing skipping the relief part. I have to have a goal, something I am trying to accomplish, and when I accomplish it I don't savor the moment or really think about the accomplishment I am just trying to figure out what comes next. I've always been this way. I set out to do something. I do it. I move on. You how people always sat that it's the journey and not the destination? For me it has always been the destination. I move on so quickly that I frequently miss the point if I am not paying attention. That being said - it isn't universally true - because I do feel accomplishment when every time I climb just a little bit higher.
So eventually, after climbing, after walking in the door, after realizing that for the first time since the beginning of January my weekend is all my own, although I did get that feel that feeling of oh my God what am I supposed to do with my time, I did finally feel the feeling of relief. It was just delayed.
Friday nights are my favorite part of the week. You have the whole weekend ahead of you. No worry about work (except when you are me and have to go to work on Saturday). The dread hasn't set in yet. The impending sense of doom is not hanging over your head. (Um, that would not at all describe the way I feel about my job lately). I like these evenings. I like the anticipation of all the things you can do with the days off.
Anyway, I like to start my weekend with climbing. The early instructor on Friday is awesome. He really pays attention to your climbing and gives you good feedback. He's very helpful. There is this overhang that I am trying to, well, get over, and it's almost a flat overhang. How does one climb over that? So the belayer pulled the rope really tight for me - kind of hoisting me a little higher than I could really reach on my own. That enabled me to get my feet in the right position. I could not have gotten that far without help. Now that I know how to get my feet in the right position, it's just a matter of maybe a couple more climbs. It's an awkward position to climb over an almost flat overhang. I can't describe it exactly. You have to get your hands on the hold right above your head. Get your feet on the ceiling and push yourself over it.
I did learn one thing about my climbing today that is true in my life. I need to start pushing myself beyond my comfort zone.
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