Well folks, I'm addicted to my email. Hi, my name is XXXX and I am an alcoholic and an email addict. Ha ha ha. I feel like I've written this post at least once already.
It's funny, but I am serious. It's now crossed the line into problem territory. One might suggest that I find more things to do with my time, but I am pretty sure that isn't going to stop me. Part of the problem is at work, I sit in front of email all day - both my work and my personal email. Not only am I logged into my work and my gmail (therefore I am on google chat with a bunch of people), but I am also logged into MSN instant messenger (cause that's one way I communicate with the partner I work for), and I am also frequently, though not always, logged into Skype. The other part of the problem - my job really requires me to be on my work email all the time on week days at least (I even get emails from clients on weekends - though a smart person would advise never to respond on a weekend) - so the need to be checking work email constantly - hence I have the crackberry as people call it. The crackberry receives regular ole Internet and conveniently, not only can you log into gmail, you can log into google chat for crackberry - which I downloaded (among other things).
I think on the weekend, I suffer a bit of withdrawal from the constant connectedness.
So, today, as I am driving, and checking email - personal email, at a stop light - I thought - this is completely unmanageable. Not only because I am checking email while driving (though I was stopped) - but I just checked it - like a half hour ago. I literally feel compelled to check my email constantly. What am I waiting for? Truthfully, an email from the guy that isn't supposed to be talking to me - more on that in a second. The program would say, work the program around it. I know how silly this sounds. The program would tell me to get down on my knees and pray for God to relieve me of the obsession with my email. I then have to figure out what underlies the obsession (cause this is like any character defect - unless I can be free of what underlies it, I'll keep doing it). Well, that's easy - it's FEAR. Everything is always all about fear. I am checking my email out of fear - fear of what? That he didn't email me? That I am going to get an email that says he can't talk to me anymore?
Sadly (and fortunately), praying about this probably will work. And honestly - whether I am checking for an email from him or not - I check it constantly anyway - and I don't get all that much personal email so there is no reason for this. Now, what's the deal with the guy. Well, he can't have coffee with me - so instead we've been emailing each other. What happened to running the other direction? Nothing, I just decided to stay put and engage instead. Can we say - "doing the same thing and expecting a different result?" What happened to "please God, help me try something different?" I'm still praying for that. But now what? Now I'm scared that I am going to get hurt because one day, he's probably going to cut this email conversation off when his sponsor finds out or something goes wrong in his life or whatever. So - you know - better to get that secret email friendship ending communication instantly - rather than a few hours after he sends it, right? The quicker I get it, the less painful, or something.
In any event - it is more that I would feel disappointed, cause I am kind of interested in this guy. He's the only guy I've met in the program that I've really had any interest in so I don't really care what my sponsor says about it. Famous last words. So, please God relieve me of the compulsion to check my email. Please God relieve me of the compulsion to check my email. You guys must think I'm really weird.
1 comment:
Can't help with the compulsion part, but here is that article to at least demonstrate that it's not helpful for work.
Post a Comment