This is how it works

I've been thinking a lot lately about how AA works - mainly because I have been working with two sponsees who are in really early recovery - and in trying to impart the message to them, I spend a lot of time thinking about this. How does it work? Not why, but just how. I've been feeling really good lately, better than I have in a long time actually. It can only be because I am working with these two women and have been working the program even more diligently than normal, and in so doing, I feel my life and myself changing, rather rapidly. I have experienced these times in my program where I stagnate for a while, and then something pushes me back into action and things change quickly and then I stagnate again. I think I am just entering a period of rapid growth, brought on by the pain of living the same and the desperation of wanting the relief that I know is possible. I really don't know why it works, but it does work.

One thing I learned from my sponsor is that I shouldn't tell a sponsee to do something if I am not also going to do it. This means that I've been going to more meetings than I normally do, being more honest, praying more sincerely and more often, reading the literature more...I do the things I tell them to do - they may not do them, but I do them. I can tell them how to stay sober - and when I do - that almost guarantees that I stay sober. They may not stay sober - but I will. That's how it works when you carry the message. In some ways, it is a selfish thing - you have to give it away to keep as they always say. Not only that, but I've had to change some behavior - I can't very well tell a sponsee to stop doing X, while I go do Y, when Y is just as harmful to me as X is to her. So - I stopped doing Y, just like that. It's no wonder I feel better. You have to do something different to get a different result.

I find it frustrating sometimes though - trying to convince someone that it works - how to articulate it, how to make them believe you, how to get them to try anyway. All I can do is be an example of the fact that it works. I mean - the odds of me staying sober through moving to another state, changing jobs, surviving breast cancer and marrying and divorcing my boyfriend in my first 15 months of sobriety - the odds of me getting sober and staying sober through that - were 0%. I am a walking miracle by all accounts and I have nothing but humility about that. I had nothing to do with it. It was the miracle of the program and the miracle of how it works.

The thing about how it works is that the Big Book gives us very specific instructions. I used to sit in meetings and listen to the reading of "How it Works" and hear the words but not hear them. It probably took hundreds and hundreds of readings of these paragraphs before the words meant anything to me. Today, I love to hear how it works at the beginning of a meeting. I like to close my eyes and listen to the words as someone reads them. I like to really hear them - process them, think about what they mean. There are things contained in how it works that I remind myself of on a daily basis - the things that are the key to this program that were lost on me in really early sobriety. I've written about some of them below, though I haven't included the entire thing - just a few key things that I wanted to point out to someone.

This is how it works from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 58-60 . "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path." It doesn't say - you might succeed or sometimes it works. It says, "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path." It says thoroughly - that means completely, not partially.

"Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault. They seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest." Rigorous honesty - the half truth is not enough. You have to be brutally honest. You have to tell the truth.

"If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it - then you are ready to take certain steps." Willing to go to any length - that means willing to go to any length. That means I must be willing to work this program thoroughly - completely - not partially. I must literally be willing to do absolutely anything that is required. - as if my life depends on it - because it does. Anything short of "willing to go to any length" will not be enough.

"We thought we could find an easier softer way. But we could not." This is the easier softer way, trust me.

"Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely." I have to let go of my old ideas - that means my thinking and my behaviors - and try it another way. You have to do something different to get a different result. I have to let go completely, not partially. Anything short of completely will not be enough. The result is nil until you let go absolutely. That means you do what you don't want to do, even when you don't want to do it. You do it anyway. You do it just because. You have to surrender to it.

"Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point." This is the most important part. Half of the effort does not get you half of the reward. Half measures get you nothing. Half measures will get you drunk and if you don't stay sober you can't change. And if you don't change, you won't stay sober. I have to let go absolutely and surrender, I have to work this program thoroughly and completely and with the willingness to do absolutely anything necessary to save my own life. I have to tell the truth while doing it.

"We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection." It is progress, not perfection. I don't have permission to beat myself up for not doing this perfectly.

"Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas: (a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives; (b) that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism; (c) that God could and would if He were sought." This last paragraph - it says the same thing that it does at the beginning. It doesn't say, God might help you. It says "God could and would." Here's the catch though - it says "if He were sought." You have to seek Him (or Her). It also doesn't say that if you seek God, you might be relieved of the desire to drink. What it actually says is that if you seek God, God will relieve your alcohol-ISM.