Everything, a non-event

I haven't been around the blog world much this week - I was up in Michigan, at "home." Like most things, nothing was as I expected it to be. Be wary of your expectations they tell you - they set you up for, at the very least, disappointment - sometimes something far worse than disappointment. I tried to just not have any.

Breakfast with my mother, telling my father why I don't drink, my anniversary even - everything, a non-event. The thing about my anniversary is that on the one hand it means everything to me, and on the other hand, it's just another day. It does mean something to me though - the year starts for me on December 14th, not January 1, and not on my birthday. It used to be that I paid attention to the years from each birthday - you know, reviewing the year, assessing my accomplishments and failures. Now I just measure by a different date. It is a marker in time. There is my life before and my life after. This thing that I am living, this life that I have, it's like a different lifetime really.

My anniversary was nice though - I went to the noon meeting that I went to every day for the first 4 months, sat with some people who where there on that very first day, and the topic at the table was inspiration, and how we all inspire each other. I then went to lunch with some friends and spent some time with my first sponsor. My best friend Heather came out for the afternoon and we went to dinner and hung out with another friend. It was nice. I saw a lot of people, went to a lot of meetings, and saw a lot more people. I drove home a day early because of the snow storm that was coming - well, it's since come and gone here in Chicago, but it's snowing from Michigan all the way to Boston. Today, here - it's sunny and bright, the roads are mostly cleared, and it smells crisp and clean out.

So, the things I was stressed about - my mom and dad. Breakfast with my mom was literally 30 minutes. She acts like she wants to see me so bad, and then it's over before it even begins. She asked me to set up her vm on her new cell phone and show her how to use the address book. I got irritated and then apologized. She told me I have nice skin and then it was over. We left. She didn't even try to hug me in the parking lot like she normally does. She just said I'm cold and walked away.

The telling of my father - telling him why I don't drink - well, I should have thought about the fact in advance that my dad is a "non-reactor." Seriously - my dad could be having the time of his life - literally - the time of his life, and you would not be able to tell. My dad's reaction to fun is like my dad's reaction to the death of someone - it is the same - mostly flat. So my dad's reaction to why I don't drink - just that - a non-reaction. My brother's prediction was that my dad would react better than expected, but not as well as one would have hoped. I think my dad's non-reaction was even better than predicted actually.

He said nothing negative, only positive things. He told me that it was a wise choice, that he always worried about it because of my mother and grandmother, that he was proud of me. He mentioned some program people that he has met at the restaurant that he eats at twice a day. There is this woman there who has told him her story and told him about how the program works. He didn't really mention AA other than the couple of people he has met though. But anyway, there was nothing negative said, he wasn't upset or angry or disappointed. Is this the doorway through which my father and I will forge a more honest relationship? That I don't know.

My dad has surprised me a few times now though. I guess I would say he is less judgmental than I once thought, and less clueless also. I think he acts oblivious to his family's dysfunction, but it is sometimes apparent that the illusion he lives under isn't as thick as it seems. He always had this ability to let go his children - something my mom never had and still doesn't. My dad, once we were mostly adults - had this ability to say - you are going to do what you are going to do and granted neither of us have ever done anything completely outrageous - BUT - my dad has really been nothing but accepting of anything I've ever done. He hasn't always known how to show support (but he has also never been blatantly not supportive) - but he means well. I think he has always had the best of intentions.