In the past two months I have been checked out by my oncologist, her PA, my surgeon - twice, by way of mammogram and ultrasound. I am in the clear until February 3rd 2009. The only thing I haven't done is the MRI. My surgeon told me today that she does not believe that it is necessary at this time (radiology told me to do it in September). And we can revisit the issue in February when I have my mammogram. We had previously decided not to do them at all and she doesn't think it is necessary, but radiology keeps telling me to do it. She says - of course they do - they are radiologists.
I don't know if I feel a lot of comfort by what she said - that it isn't necessary. I mean, am I taking a chance with my life? Probably not but can you ever know for sure? Can I know that the spot that they saw on the mammogram I had two and a half weeks ago was nothing because it did not show up on the ultrasound? Can I have 100% comfort or do I have to live under this cloud of uncertainty? Hanging over me the MRI, the last mammogram. Am I going to let my leave be ruined by this fear? Am I never going to get involved with any man again because of it? Or am going to live the next six months as if I am going to live?
It's been hard to relax during this leave of absence. I keep telling myself that I should be more relaxed, less stressed. It's not work stressing me out. I frankly could care less about that, much to my surprise. But it is what it is. I am the way I am. I feel how I feel. And it's okay.
1 comment:
Hmmm, well I've been told that MRIs are better than mammograms at diagnosing and finding cancers, but you would still have to get anything biopsied, so maybe it's not worth it to go through the stress?
Just don't let it hang over you-either do it, or don't do it and don't worry anymore.
Live without regrets.
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