Sliding doors

I love the movie Sliding Doors.  It's an older one.  Because I like the idea that the whole trajectory of your life can be altered by something as simple as missing your train.

There are a lot of "what ifs" tied up in this trip to London.  A lot of should have and could have and unknowns.  I guess I ultimately think that the decision that I made to end this relationship was the right one at the time, but the decision may not have been entirely my own.

My mother didn't like him.  She thought he was weird and that he was trying to manipulate me.  I never understood (and still don't) what she thought he was trying to manipulate me into doing at 18.  And everyone else thought he was weird because he was what we called "alternative" at the time.  I realize now, all these years later, that he wasn't weird.  He was simply himself.  

I broke up with him largely because I cared what people thought of him, and what they thought of me by extension.  I wish I had been a stronger personality.  If I have a regret, it's that I wasn't a better person.  That I didn't handle it in the best way possible.  That I didn't treat him appropriately or with the respect that I should have.

Anyway, maybe this trip will clear up all the things I ever wondered.  Though I suspect it may raise as many questions as it does answers.