I would not categorize my family as being supportive, at all really, in any way. Certain of them sure, but not most of them, and maybe not entirely. There is just so much family dysfunction. I don't know why as an adult I would still hope for parental approval of my decisions, but that must be what I was subconsciously, or even very consciously hoping for when I told my mother that I want to be with my ex-boyfriend. I decided to feed her the information in bits and pieces because telling her my true intentions wouldn't have gone well. Simply telling her that we intend to see each other again was all I told her and she reacted really negatively. She made several inappropriate and unnecessary comments and accusations. It left me rather angry really and not really wanting to tell anyone else.
I don't feel like I can tell anyone our true intentions, which is for him to move and for us to get married some time next year. It sucks. Everyone I know, for the most part, would simply think I am making to rash of a decision. That I don't know what I am doing and that I haven't thought about it. Thanks for the support guys and confidence in me. The reality is, I have had 16 years to think about it and a hell of a lot of regrets. We have stayed in touch over the past 16 years, more sometimes than others, but always knowing that the other one of us was out there and what we were up to and how to contact each other. There was never a time that seemed to work out right though until now. And I will say one thing - no, I can't explain what it is between us that has always been there, but it always has. And for those of you who know what I am talking about, when you know something, you just know it. It's not that I am not being rational or practical about it or thinking it through, it's just that it defies explanation, and like I just said, sometimes you just know.
Obviously I am really feeling a lack of support from the people in my family and in my life. I am sorry that the people in my life can't just be happy that I am happy. It really puts a damper on things. Fortunately, when he told his parents that we wanted to see each other again and be together they were extremely happy and excited for us and happy to help us find a way to be together. At least there is happiness and support on one side, otherwise, this would feel much more difficult.
Like it or not, I have decided I want to be with him. I told my mother if she can't accept that, to stay the hell out of my life.
2 comments:
I realize that support from anonymous random people on the internet is not at all the same as support from family members.
However. I totally support what you're doing. In fact, I did something that was pretty similar and it was one of the best choices I've ever made.
There are at least a few of us who support you and want only what makes you happy!! 16 years of regret and a second chance at happiness is really something and you need to go for it!
Post a Comment