Am I that obvious?

People have told me many times that I should go easier on myself. My various sponsors have told me that among others. Where did I learn this? I never realized just how hard on myself I was (am) until people started pointing it out left and right in early sobriety, and even now. It's just a feeling of I should be doing better, I should be dealing with it better, I should be X, I should be Y - beating myself up for not being different or doing different or not having changed enough.

I'm not sure how I learned this - this constant feeling of I am not enough - and didn't have an awareness of it. So I was at the eye doctor last week and you know, you have a mostly boring conversation with an eye doctor - I mean what do you talk about? Well, whether you can see for one, maybe the weather - I don't even remember, in any event, the conversation resulted in him saying to me, gosh, you are really too hard on yourself.

Seriously, am I that obvious?

I think it is probably right that all of the stress and anxiety and depression that I have been feeling since Friday is due to the mammogram I have tomorrow. I just feel sick about it. More later...