Muddling through

This trip home has been really disappointing in a lot of ways. There are things I can't really post about that are on my mind. Bothering me quit a bit actually. I must have come here with some expectations, whatever they are. And because they are not being met I am left with disappointment. The thing is, I don't really know what I was expecting. It's hard to be here and not be working, to be job searching. It is hard to be here and be happy going forward with my plans when I am surrounded by so much negativity. It is especially hard to be in the midst of so much uncertainty. I really just want to go home. To NY. But I still have things here that need to be done on this trip. Difficult stuff that needs to be handled so I can't head back early. Otherwise I probably would. I guess I just feel like I am barely getting through this trip and although I am physically here I, I don't feel emotionally here at all. I feel absent in a lot of ways and I am definitely going through the motions. I'm really stressed and really worried. The faith that I usually feel is lacking a bit. Maybe a lot.