High anxiety

My anxiety level is basically through the roof. I bet you are all wondering whether I unplugged the lamps. Well, maybe you aren't all actually wondering that really. But anyway, I did not unplug the lamps. That doesn't mean that there aren't lamps that are unplugged - ah, a technicality - but I didn't unplug them to leave town. I know, I am a freak - go ahead and think it. There happen to be two lamps that are never plugged in, just because I never use them, and the toaster is never plugged in unless I am using it, and I don't even keep the coffee pot out on the counter because I don't use it, and yes, I did unplug the swiffer sweep 'n vac. The shredder was unplugged anyway because it was broken. Do you think I am weird yet?

But you see, I am in my brother's house (I made it to Michigan), and there are probably all kinds of things plugged in here, including a coffee pot, and it doesn't bother me a bit. Why? I've never been able to explain why this doesn't bother me in other people's houses. Seriously, not one tiny tiny little bit. It's only in my own house that it's a problem.

Anyway, like I said, my anxiety level is high. The only way I can explain how I feel is to say that my stress level is low, but my anxiety level is high. Does that make sense? They aren't the same thing. Maybe it is because I left work early today and basically took today off which wasn't planned. That's anxiety provoking because they think I'm working when I'm not actually (everyone was out today so I bailed earlier than I had planned). And does it matter, not really. We all do our own thing and keep our own schedules and no one watches over us. I'll hit my hours - I can afford the extra day hours wise. What's the problem then?

Maybe it's the fact that sleeping might be hard because I'm not in my own house. Maybe it's trying to figure out how to work tomorrow, play with my nephew, go see people, go to the meeting I want to go to - maybe it's trying to figure out how to squeeze it all in. It's not stress though, it's definitely anxiety. Maybe it's thinking about Sunday and going back. Maybe it's my birthday which is next month. Maybe it's everything and nothing. Maybe it's not wanting to be in Chicago anymore but knowing I am stuck there for the time being.

I'll tell you one thing though - coming here, "home," well, it produces a lot of emotions and thoughts - about the past and the future. You know how I've been saying I want to move back here and keep my job there and telecommute? Well, although I've only been here for 8 hours an I haven't been here since Christmas and that's a plan I hatched well, when I found out my brother was moving back here...let's just say that it isn't as obvious as I thought it would be, that that's what I want.