This is just an old photo from a trip that I took some years ago to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. We were watching the sun set from the patio of the restaurant we had dinner at and watching these guys kite board. That was in, let's see, must have been the summer of 2004.
I loved it there, it was beautiful and the ocean was warm. I want to go back there. But the thing is, I have no one to go with.
I think about that a lot - I like to travel but I have no one to travel with. All of the traveling that I've done has been with boyfriends. That I suppose is the thing that I miss the most about not being with anyone, or, rather, the only thing that I miss at the moment and the prospect of never being with anyone again - not having anyone to take a trip with. I don't really have that many friends. Yes, I know a lot of people - it's impossible not to know tons of people when you are in AA. But there are only a handful that I hang out with and even then I don't feel that close to anyone here. I know people, but I don't really have any friends. The people I am the closest to are in Ann Arbor, and, well, the only one I've ever really thought about traveling with is Heather, but she can't afford to. Sometimes I think about just offering to pay for her so that we can go somewhere. We've never traveled together. We've been friends since we were 3 and we've never taken a trip together. We had planned to - we had planned to take a trip to Europe - then I got breast cancer.
I'm lucky that I can afford to take well, really, honestly, any trip that I wanted. But where would I go, what would I do? And I don't want to go alone. People always say just go alone, and I could see going to maybe a spa for 3 days by myself. But when I travel I like to do things, I like to see things - it isn't really the same to go by yourself. I keep hoping that maybe my brother and sister-in-law and nephew will plan to take a trip and invite me - because, you know, I could just play with my nephew the whole time - and that way I could take a trip and they could get something out of it too. But I somehow doubt they are planning to go to North Carolina any time soon.
I really really want to go there. Actually, it would just be nice to go anywhere. But for some reason, that's just where I want to go right now. I really wish I had someone to go with. It's making me sad.
3 comments:
It looks amazing. I can see why you'd want to go there.
I had similar feelings before I left for South Carolina in June 2006 -- I was going alone, and I didn't know anyone, and it was scary. But going there and staying by myself for two months -- and the experience of meeting new people and figuring out a lot about myself -- was one of the most transformative experiences of my life. I highly encourage going it alone, even if it feels like the last thing on Earth you want to do.
I don't like traveling by myself either.
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