Hello from Germany

First impressions of Germany - what can I say - I miss America. How American of me. I don't know what it is exactly that I miss, but I miss it. So far my visit to Germany is going well though - I adjusted to the time change rather easily and have so far been enjoying relaxing. Though truthfully I am caught up in whether I am actually relaxed enough. Am I actually enjoying myself? Do I feel relaxed, could I feel more relaxed, could I be more present in the moment, could I enjoy myself still more? Not sure - maybe I could stress out about that one for a while. Considering I have lived most of my life not really present in the moment - but elsewhere, at least in my head anyway - I am just not sure what this would feel like - to really experience happiness - to really enjoy something. I would like to believe that I know what this is like, but I actually don't know whether I know or not. My sponsor would tell me to stop thinking so much about it.

My nephew is super cute and fun to hang out with - though truthfully being here just makes me miss my brother and family more than I already do. It is a poignant reminder of the limited time we have with people, the necessity to enjoy it and the fear of panic that overtakes me when I think about the kind of regret that comes with realizing you have lived all wrong. Hence the need to make sure I am enjoying every last second. Sometimes you focus so hard on something, that you completely miss the point. I think I might have set my expectations too high in terms of what enjoying life is supposed to be like. Either way I seem to go about it - it turns out to be a disappointment. Either because I don't enjoy it enough or I think I should be enjoying it more. Regardless, I am loving being with my nephew. And if I told you what I was letting him do right now to keep him occupied while I type this - you would be horrified.

Anyway, more to come. I've taken lots of photos so I will be posting those when I get back. Tomorrow is E's birthday so that will be fun. I'm actually having a hard time posting for some reason. I keep writing posts and then deleting them. More later...