Decisions decisions

I know I haven't finished posting about what happened at the spa, and I will, I'm just in the middle of something else right now.  I'm in the middle of a major life decision.  It feels like I accidentally walked right into the middle of it and I am about to turn my life upside down because of it.  But I didn't exactly just find myself in the middle of something, it's actually been on my mind for over a year.  I had this idea in my head that I would move and ask to telecommute once I had gotten myself into a position where they couldn't live without me.  I think a year ago I was already in such a position but now I think I definitely am.  But that doesn't necessarily mean they will say yes.  And besides, first of all, I have to figure out if it is the right decision.

Do I seem not so confident about making this choice?  I don't know if I am good or bad at making decisions.  I mean how many have I made really?  Where to go to school and law school was just an obvious choice.  The decision to be a lawyer was made by my 10 year old head (and believe me, I had good reasons) and the choice to move to Chicago for my current job also seemed to be an obvious one at the time.  Little decisions are no problem.  Like what to wear tomorrow.  I pick it the night before and never ever waver.  I always wear what I picked.  I never change my mind.  Ever.  On the little things I have no problem, I don't think anyway.  Oh wait, but there was the time that I didn't get married and that I put a lot of thought into.  And then there was the time that I did get married which I didn't think about at all.

But this isn't like picking an outfit or advocating for myself when I had breast cancer.  That I did on autopilot like I was advocating for someone else.  This is like taking everything I have and trading it in for something else.  Something better I hope.  Something I used to have.  But how can I be sure this is the right decision?  Is it one that I just have to make and then go with it and find out if I was right?  Cause I can't exactly take it back once I do it.  Do I need 100% certainty?  I'm wavering back and forth I think out of the fear of the whole thing.  What if they won't let me?  Then what?  My unhappiness continues and my ability to change it is, well, a problem, as it has been for a long time.

But I won't know if I don't ask right?  And what have I got to lose?  It's not like they are going to fire me because I ask to move.  So I should do it, right?