It was the strangest thing. We got into the van, all 11 of us, on our way to the experience, and I nearly burst into tears. I can't really explain why but I think it is because I knew what I was walking into. Most people had no idea. I spent a little bit of time last year with the "facilitator" I guess we will call him, and I knew that what I was walking into was a world of pain so deeply rooted that it's hard to even dig it up. It is the kind of thing that is so painful and so deeply rooted that you find a way to be numb to it, yet at the same time, it affects everything about your behavior. You may not even realize it. And even though the facilitator says he isn't psychic, and of course he isn't, he finds away to dig it up with just a word.
I wish that I had had the chance last night to reflect on what happened yesterday. I think it would be a great exercise to reflect on it right after it happens and then after having a chance to think about it. Last night when it was over I had a migraine and then a spa service so I just didn't have a chance to write. I made a list though of the things we talked about with respect to me specifically so that I could really think about it and write about it. So I will try to do that later - I'll try to write about today right after it happens.
But in the mean time I will say one thing, you learn as much from watching other people go through the process with the facilitator as you do going through it yourself. Learned behavior, faulty belief systems - sometimes they really can be changed with the snap of your fingers. It is incredible to see a person "get it" if you know what I mean.
More later...
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