I've decided to go home this weekend as sort of a last chance trip before I pull the trigger on dumping my whole life over here and putting the pieces back together over there. I don't know if I am trying to be absolutely sure, although honestly, I have probably been sure for a while now. Almost no one is even around this weekend so I am not even sure what I am going to do or who I am going to hang out with when I get there. I guess I am kind of winging it. Usually I go into town with my whole schedule set up for the entire time I am there. It is always way too busy and never that relaxing. This time I guess I will just be there and see how I feel. Sometimes I feel really anxious and crappy when I am there, sometimes I feel ok. Hard to say what moving back there would really be like for sure. One more weekend trip home isn't going to give me a lot of extra data, but I am looking forward to going.
I do have a couple of things planned. For one thing get my dad a cell phone (yes he needs help accomplishing this). With my grandmother being sick still, everyone is annoyed with him because he is basically unreachable (he only recently (like a few weeks ago) got an answering machine). Well I found out that the only reason he wants a cell phone now is so that it is easier to keep in touch with this new woman he is dating. That's another story. I am glad he is having fun now that he is retired, but I hope he doesn't get hurt.
I am also going to hang out with my good friend Claire who just adopted a baby from Russia which I think is so cool and I can't wait to meet him.
Other than that, the real thing I want to do is just go to an AA meeting. I really really miss the meetings at home. I miss them and I want them back. I want the AA community back that I used to have. The great thing is, I know that even after being gone for 4 years, I can walk right back in to the middle of it.
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