I am trying to remain open in this experience to whatever may happen or whatever I may feel. Trying to use everything as a way to, at the very least, learn something about myself, if not change (hopefully) some things too. In climbing yesterday we figured out that at least in climbing, I have a real (or imagined probably) fear of the unknown. I will stick my foot in the water so to speak but I have a really hard time standing up on it. In climbing, I like to know what my hands are going to grab onto. I like to feel the rock before I stand up. This is often impossible, especially climbing outside because you simply cant see or feel the next move. It is like a puzzle that you have to solve and solve as you go, you have to simply trust your foot, stand up on it and know you are going to find the next right move when you do. Like in life, there are things you can't know in advance of making the move.
All of the challenges on the challenge course are really great metaphors for how you respond in life to stress, fear, the unknown etc. Most often the way you react to these intense challenges and feelings on the challenge course is exactly how you react in life to the same feeling, for example fear. It is eye opening to do the challenges the first time and figure out about yourself exactly what those reactions or coping mechanisms are. It does not have the same effect the second time around because it is a known istead of an unknown. The second time I tried some of the challenges it was either fun or scary but nothing much more than that.
What I found out through all these challenges over the past few years, including rock climbing, is that although when facing something like the unknown I doubt myself, I even express that self doubt repeatedly, I always keep going, I persevere and I usually finish whatever is in front of me. I am persistent in the face of the unknown but I have a hard time committing to it fully. I like to know outcomes. I like to know what the end game is. I think that probably in life I face the unknown more easily than I do hanging of the side off a mountain 120 feet in the air. I have an unfounded fear of falling outside even though I know that if I do fall I will only fall a few inches. The thing is though, unless you try, unless you just one, two three go for it, unless you make the move, you are never going to know what might be possible. You are limited in all ways unless you go for it.
I hope in life that I face the unknown with more grace than I do on the side of a mountain. The experience, the self doubt, it made me think of something someone said. The guy who runs the "experience" that I can't wait for mentioned the last time (the last time I did the short 3 hour version of the 4 day) that most of the time we are operating under faulty belief systems and making decisions based on those faulty beliefs. How true I think that is. Part of the "experience" is to correct your faulty belief systems - it is to overcome self doubt. When you correct those faulty beliefs about yourself, the voice in you head sends a different message and your behavior changes. Anyway, maybe more on the "experience" later.
Don't get me wrong though, climbing outside yesterday was really awesome. We (I) climbed 5 routes. There is no other word for it than awesome. Oh, and I am going to do a rock climbing retreat/camp in October - more on that later.
No comments:
Post a Comment