All packed up, and

It is with mixed feelings of course that I am going back home tomorrow. I need to go home, I haven't been there in a week, but I wish I could stay and absorb more of the wonder of looking out the window with my nephew or playing with an old lotion bottle or a hair curler. Sometimes I wish I could just suspend time.

The mail hasn't been gotten in a week, my cat is alone, I need to make my car payment, go to a meeting (it's been 8 days, but who's counting), figure out what's going on at work - oh right, that place, get back into exercising regularly, do my taxes, make a dentist appointment, meet with a sponsee, back to my daily routine of praying and meditating. It's back to reality and all that comes with it. My reality is not something to complain about, I'm not saying that.

When I had this breast cancer scare last week, it really threw me off, more than ever in the past and more than I expected. I handled it both better and worse than I would have anticipated. It scared me so much that what I really wanted was to take an unpaid leave of absense from my life for a while. I seriously wanted to walk into work and say see you guys later, I need to figure a few things out and I can't do it here. And it's true that I do feel like I need to figure a few things out, but I can't take an unpaid leave and check out for a while. It just isn't a possibility. I will have to figure those things out some other way I suppose. Regardless, I just needed some time. I needed to pause for a moment and step away from my life.

So instead I spent a week at my brother's house in Boston, where I "worked," but it was more of in theory than anything and mostly I just goofed off. Next week I will regret it when I look at how many hours I have to bill to catch back up by the end of the month - but, let's just forget about that for as long as we can. The time that I took was and it wasn't enough. I leave with what I came for, and with unanswered questions, and with even more questions. But I did figure a few things out. Next post.

Oh, and I am also sad.