Thank you for continuing to stop by everyone - I appreciate it immensely. Lots of people have stopped by again today and it's nice to not feel so alone over here. I've never really had support through anything I've been through - I've mostly just dealt with things alone. Even through breast cancer treatment I was basically alone. My tendency is to push everyone away when I have something to deal with and shut everyone out. I have this everyone go away and just leave me alone type reaction to things. And I always debate - do I mention the appointment to anyone - because if I do, then they are going to ask how it went - or do I keep it a secret and just deal with it, whatever it is? The fear of course - what if it isn't okay and then I have to tell all these people that - and I don't know how to deal with other peoples' reactions. I just don't know how to act. So, let's just hope it's okay and that I have only good news. I am glad that I mentioned it. It's not that I've never wanted support from people, it's just that I've never had it. I think I just might have the most unsupportive mother on the planet.
It takes 3-5 days for the written report - but I don't care about seeing the report - I just need someone to call me. Of course the technician can't tell me anything - so I know nothing at this point. Sorry - I wish I had news, but I don't. The appointment itself was fine though - the MRI isn't the most pleasant because of the contrast that they inject into your body, and I'm tired of needles and IVs. But it was okay. I just got home from it.
Now we just wait. At least when I have mammograms they read them while you wait right there. I have a radiologist that I request and she even takes me in back and goes over the films with me. But for this, we just have to wait. Sometimes a radiologist calls, sometimes my doctor. Sigh. I have a plan (of course I do).
First thing Monday morning I am going to call my oncologist's PA. My onc didn't order the MRI, my surgeon did, but her PA is the most responsive person I've ever met. Seriously - she is amazing. I wrote a post about her once. And I know that I can count on her to get those results ASAP and call me immediately. I'm also going to call my friend who is a resident in the rad onc unit - because she will also call me the second she can get her hands on it. Between one of the two of them - I can probably get my hands on it on Monday. It's good to be connected when it comes to this kind of thing.
Monday seems like a long way away doesn't it? In the mean time, I am going to try to just relax and enjoy the weekend. Because why not right? Amazingly, I don't even have to work this weekend, which is great, given the insanity going on there. And I am going to buy myself a new meditation CD tomorrow, work-out, drink tea, and do a puzzle. I love jig-saw puzzles. I can sit at the table for 10 hours straight and work on one.
Keep sending good thoughts and I will post when I know something! And when everything turns out fine, what should I do to celebrate (besides drink, since I don't!)? Plan a trip to go visit my brother, sister-in-law and nephew maybe?
*Edited to add: I spoke too soon. Now that I've been home for a little while, I'm starting to freak out. I really really want this to be okay. And I really want to enjoy the weekend. But I just don't think I can until I know. Ugh.
4 comments:
Waiting for results over the weekend is one of my least favorite activities. I hope something engrossing crosses your path, like that new jigsaw puzzle.
Have a good weekend, if you can.
Would it help if I said that almost all of the time, they don't let you leave if they see anything wrong on the scan? I discovered this years ago, and it applies to MRIs as well.
As for the unsupportive mother thing? Oh honey, we can compete there. I think I know a few bloggers who can sympathize with you. ;)
I hate waiting. Especially for medical test results. I doubt it will help, since you don't know me, but I am waiting with you. And hoping. A lot. A whole hell of a lot.
If you were a knitter, I would say knit. But do the puzzle. It will help calm you down and keep you occupied. Plus, really, it's going to come back fine. Aurelia is right. I have been in a doctor's office for ten hours before because of the issue she is describing.
I'll be thinking about you this weekend. Get on here and rant if you think it will help.
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