The time a gigantic fire truck and eight firemen came to my house

I had this weird dream last night in which I had rented an apartment. It was a dump. And it was furnished. Now I know that in undergrad we always rented furnished apartments - but when I think about this now - it grosses me out. Imagine how many gross things happened on those couches. Plus, I really only like new construction. I know - it's kind of like parking at work - but I just don't like to live in dumpy or old places. I like the nice, clean newness. Anyway - in this dream I was going around the house checking the smoke detectors to see if they worked. There were a lot of them. And I was trying to find a carbon monoxide detector in the house. I was pissed because I was having to buy batteries for a bunch of them and I kept saying how I was going to bill the landlord for it. Sadly - these are things I would probably do in real life.

It just made me think about this place that I lived in law school for 8 months. It was a dump - well - okay, maybe not a total dump - but it was kind of a dump. At least the furniture was mine. I had the first floor of a house for $600 a month which is cheap in the town I went to school in. The wood floors were totally uneven and I couldn't for the life of me get them clean - your socks would turn black. The kitchen was the worst I think - just old and crappy. No counter or cupboard space - the microwave had to be kept in the dining room. Anyway - it wasn't terrible I guess.

So there was this one night in early December one year, when I was studying for law school exams - the night before two of them. Suddenly, my house filled with the smell of gas - not the stove - the stove was electric - gasoline. After a while it was making me sick and I couldn't figure out where it was coming from - not my apartment, but somewhere in the house. I called my dad. We decided I should call the non-emergency number for the fire department - because isn't that what you would do if your house filled with the smell of gasoline and you had some worry that it could maybe possibly catch on fire or explode or something?

I called the non-emergency number and they thought it best to stop over and have a peek. They sent the largest fire truck possible, sirens blaring and 8 firemen in full fire gear. It was uh, embarrassing. The maintenance guy for my landlord's properties lived in the unit upstairs from me. He wasn't home. Turns out he decided to stash the snow blower in the landing to the basement. The uh, leaking snow blower - it was leaking gasoline all over the landing and basement stairs. They did a little inspection while they were at it and discovered that gas cans were being stored right next to the furnace and hot water heater. Um, HELLO? The landlord was cited for multiple building code violations in addition to the storage location of the gas cans - you should have seen the basement - it was a complete and total pit. God only knows what else was being stored down there. At first I felt bad about it - the citations - but then I didn't.

There was also the time that I went out of town for Christmas (oh, this was only about 3 weeks after the firemen incident) and when I returned, I returned to a toilet that had exploded - yes - there was shit (literally) all over the bathroom - about halfway up the walls and spread into the bedroom and the floors had to be ripped out down to the sub floor and replaced because poo had seeped between. The landlord apparently thought the maintenance guy could clean this mess up with a sponge and some dish soap - which if you know me a little, you know this would not fly. I hired the catastrophe clean up people (yes, that is actually what they were called) (the heat vents had to be cleaned as well cause the poo got in there) - had the floor ripped out and replaced, billed the landlord for the whole thing and oh yeah, I deemed it uninhabitable and deducted rent for the time period in which I could not live there.

You can see why I only lived there for 8 months. Maybe this poo incident is why I only like new construction.