Thanksgiving and the days after

So for Thanksgiving, instead of spending it alone, which is what I felt like doing, I went to my sponsor's for dinner. I suppose it wasn't really that I didn't want to go - it's just that I like to isolate especially when I feel bad or depressed, and well, my sponsor is probably the last person I want to see when I feel the way I've been feeling lately. It's not that she doesn't care that I feel like crap, it's just that she has limited tolerance for my complaining and unwillingness to take her suggestions. Unless I am going to do what she tells me to do when I call and tell her I feel like shit, there is not a lot of point in calling her. I already know what she will say. I take a lot of her suggestions actually - I am not nearly as stubborn as I was at the beginning - but for me to do something I really don't want to do - I have be broken down, run over, stomped on, flattened basically, before I surrender. I'm getting there. Eventually feeling bad gets to the point where I say, okay, I'll do anything you tell me. Then I do it and I feel better so I stop doing it, and whoops, I feel like crap again. There is a definite pattern here.

Anyway, dinner was really nice. It was nice to spend time with her and her family in another setting - just hanging out and relaxing - rather than talking program all the time - honesty, integrity, making amends, service work blah blah. The food was excellent and the dessert even better. The pies were from my favorite bakery, which is the best bakery on the planet. I had a piece of each. Unfortunately though, I got a headache Thursday night and had it all day yesterday. I pretty much had a migraine all day. I wonder if twas something that I ate that triggered it. I don't get migraines very often, in fact it's been a long time, and I don't really know what triggers it. I did manage to drag myself downstairs to walk on the treadmill anyway, but then my headache came back in full force. I had to sleep all afternoon to get rid of it. Fortunately, it was gone today. Today all I did was go to a meeting, pick up my cat's special cat food from the vet, do some laundry, help a friend with a legal problem, and sit around.

I think part of my problem this week was panic about this holiday (I mean, among a whole bunch of other crap). Not that the holiday itself was all that upsetting, but the days off are what concerned me more. I kept thinking, what am I going to do with four days? I don't do well with downtime. I'm trying to get better at enjoying time off and time to myself and time to relax, but I'm not very good at it. I need the distraction of being busy, otherwise I start to go a little crazy. Get anxious, worried, depressed. I sort of forgot that I can be okay laying on my couch in front of the TV for two days. This week has whacked me out pretty good. The situation with the friend of mine, coupled with everything else, caused me to lose most of the 3 work days this week. I seriously did almost nothing at work this week. My job is either a good distraction from all other stresses in my life, or every once in a very great while, I just can't concentrate. Every once in a while it all just seems so pointless in the scheme of things.

Anyway, I hope things are back to normal on Monday. Cause I really need a little normal.