I've always liked the way my European colleagues talk about "going on holiday." They take this extremely seriously. And they all go on holiday at the same time - for the entire month of August, literally, all of them, all at once. If I need my European colleagues for any projects (and I frequently do), August is out of the question. Sometimes part of July and well into September are also out of the question. Their out of office replies say they are on holiday and that they aren't reading email, and they actually mean that - or perhaps they do read it, but they absolutely never respond. I find it fascinating how they pull this off - this "going on holiday" thing.
Neither me or the partner I work for can manage to take a vacation and not work during it. I've worked on holidays, I've worked on at least half of the days I've ever taken "off," (I say, I am going to take Friday off, and then, some how, I end up saying, well, but I can work if you really need me to do X, I'll just work from wherever I'm going), I've worked at least a little during every vacation I've ever taken. Vacationing does not mean working from outside the office for fewer hours than you would have if you were in the office. That's called telecommuting, that's called working from outside the office. Apparently, I don't know how to take time off. And, I worked through cancer treatment, full-time. I worked from the hospital while poison was being pumped through my body, I went back to the office afterwards, I offered to come in the day after I had surgery.
And basically what I've realized over the past year and a half since I finished treatment - is that I've not processed anything that I went through. I didn't process it. I can't process it. I don't know how to process it. I need to remedy this somehow. I need some actual time off. I really and seriously need some actual time off. I need some space and some time. I feel like I'm going to crack. I'm not saying I want to quit, I absolutely don't - I just think I need some time.
Here's the thing, ever since the scare I had at the end of January - I've desperately (and I do mean desperately) wanted a leave of absence from work. I really do actually feel desperation when I think about this. I don't know what to do. I don't how to ask for it. I had put it out of my head once I "got over" the scare, but I was talking to my sister-in-law today and we were discussing it - and it reminded me how desperately I want to take that leave. I keep telling myself I'm not that important, the place won't fall apart, they can survive without me. But the thing is, I'm one of one. There are not a bunch of me running around there, there is no one to step into my shoes and take my work. So it's not simple and easy, I can't just shift it because there isn't really anyone to shift it to. Now, it is surprising that there aren't a bunch of me - because the head of my group has told me many a time that he wishes he could clone me. That's a pretty good compliment in my book.
Can you even imagine the heart attack that will be had when I try to ask for "time off?" I mean, what if they say no? What if they get mad? What if they freak out? How do I ask for it? What do I say? How do I justify it? I mean - I didn't even take time off during cancer treatment - why now, why suddenly, and why so desperately, do I need time off? I don't know what to tell them. But I'm desperate.
This is still very much in the thinking stages folks. I have to get through the rest of this billable year before I try to disappear. But seriously, how am I going to work this out? I am thinking June 1 through mid July. I am thinking 6 weeks, unpaid leave. Already, in my head, I am talking myself out of it - saying yeah but, you might be able to get away with a three week "vacation," and besides, they are not going to like this idea. NO. I want a leave of absence. Desperately. What am I going to do with it? I don't know - take a short trip, go to Ann Arbor, stay with my brother, play with my nephew, go to a bunch of meetings, reconnect with people, sit in the sun, find a new therapist and shrink my head quickly and efficiently to process the hell that I went through in the most effective way possible, finish my 9th step, read books, exercise, think about what I want out of life. That's what I want to do with it. Because I didn't go through what I went through - the hell that I went through - for nothing. I didn't go through that to continue to be unhappy.
5 comments:
Europeans don't "get away with it"-- it's the way of life there, and they don't understand how and why we work the hours we work. They don't understand how anyone can be productive with only one or two weeks of paid vacation each year.
I think your plan is a good one. And I think what you tell them is exactly that-- when you were going through treatments, you survived by burying yourself in work. And now you need to give yourself time and permission to deal with everything. You need this time, and it will make you a better employee in the long run, because it will make you a happier person. You need the time because you need to adjust your life to make sure you are fully in it, and that includes your job.
My only concern is that six weeks may not be long enough. Granted, I had other people to take care of when I stopped working this past July, but when I started the new job in early November, it wasn't enough time off. And yes, there were complicating things in the meantime, but I am thinking maybe 8 weeks, not 6?
Yup, Julia is right. Trey's colleagues in Germany were sure most American's problems come from too little vacation and some refused to consider positions here because "it is impossible to care for a family with only 2 weeks holiday". Additionally, the phrase "work like an American" is equivalent to "work like a dog" in many places.
Ugh. American employers will stop expecting this when American employees stop putting up with it.
Just tell them you want the time off and then plan an actual vacation. You absolutely must do it... you'll regret it if you don't. I get huge amounts of time off and I still feel like it's not enough. Every single moment of my annual three weeks off (in August) I plan to be out of the country without a laptop or even a working phone. Your boss will understand. Just do it.
If you rejigger your language, and call it a sabbatical - does that help you wrap your head around it?
Do it. You need it. You deserve it.
And if you plan it in advance, it should be doable work-wise.
The Daver's job sounds like yours.
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